Thursday, 2 June 2011

I'm really sorry Charlotte

Back when I was in high school I was an enthusiastic member of the school choir. Partly because my best friends were in the choir as well, partly because you got an early lunch slip, but mostly because I loved to sing and thought I was pretty darn good at it. I'd once  been selected in primary school to sing a 10 second solo and this had gone to my head and convinced me at an early age that I had superior vocal chords. Never mind that I couldn't read music and didn't know the difference between soprano and tenor, I believed the choir was lucky to have me. In fact the choir was the only regular extra-curricular activity I participated in.

Anyway, there was a girl called Charlotte who was also in the choir and one day she asked me not to sit next to her because apparently I couldn't sing in tune and was putting her off. Aha! I thought to myself, this is a classic case of peer jealousy because of my superior vocal chords. I proceeded  to stick as close to her as a sticky burr in a pony's mane and upped my volume to shame her.

Fast forward 20 odd years to this evening. I have the house to myself and thought I'd try out the Glee Club app. I discovered that I could select songs from my own I-tunes library which is a genius idea. It will be better when they can integrate the words for the songs but no big deal, I have almost perfect recall for songs. Anyway I selected one of my favourites - the power of love by Jennifer Rush. I sang gustily along with Jennifer and practiced my facial expressions (multi-tasking whizz that I am). Poor old Jennifer didn't remember all the words but I was there to help her out. Then came my magic moment. I pressed the PLAY button to listen to my performance. What can I say? The timing was off, the pitch was off and somehow a little old lady had got in my iPad and was ruining the power of love with her froggy croaks. There must be a technical fault I decided and switched to Bryan Adams - he already has a croaky voice. Nope. No better. Utter disaster on the singing front.

I'm now going hot and cold thinking about all the times I've bellowed out songs in church and mistaken the looks I've gotten as praise instead of 'what the heck is that awful cawing noise?'. And poor Dr X. I've actually shushed him in the car when I wanted to sing along to one of my favourite songs and he tried to join in." Not with a voice like yours sweetie" I've said in a patronising tone.

Jimeny crickets, the only thing I can say right now is Charlotte, you were right and I'm very sorry for all the torture I put you through. I hope your ear problem cleared up ok.

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